January 2, 2021
When you pull a weed out of the ground, it can be quite gratifying. When it breaks away from the dirt and you hear the slight crackle it makes as it separates itself from where it resided is the best sound. Leaving a hole of fresh dirt, there is room for something else to take root and grow or the emptiness allows that spot of the earth to breath again, finally. It is also a frustrating task. When you take hold of the pesky plant that is overtaking a space and as you yank, it breaks right at ground level. At this point you leave it or grab a shovel and a water hose, working at it until it is gone. I have had my fair share of weed pulling, whether in my garden or flower beds; it is not my favorite chore. It has to be done though or the weeds will envelope the beauty that lies ahead. This year as I contemplate on what I’d like to accomplish, change, or work on, for some reason, a weed I am relating to.
If you have read previous blogs of mine you know I am not a fan of resolutions. I’ve never been able to stick to them. However, I thought to myself, what if I chose a word instead that I could focus on throughout the year? One word, that’s it. I began to think of words and a long list flooded my thoughts. Frustration overtook and I threw the paper away. It was like pulling that damn weed and it breaking at the base of the ground, leaving the root. It became clearer to me that in order to choose only ONE, I’d have to contemplate and pray on things within my life that I have struggled with. Eek. You know, it needed water and a shovel.
The one word that kept slithering into my head was “fear”. Why on earth would fear creep itself onto my list? Shouldn’t these words for 2021 be positive? Being fearful keeps us safe and comfortable, the way I prefer to be most of the time. So it CAN be a positive thing, when you look at it this way. You know, fear of burning yourself so don’t touch the fire sort of the thing... But as I pondered it further, dug away at it, I figured out that fear for me stems from a lifetime of being fearful of every little thing. I used to be described as someone who was “scared of her own shadow.” I worried about what others thought and as a people-pleaser, worked to appease others instead of being the bold, wordy, creative girl God made me to be.
I’ve made progress from my younger days of being fearful, but that shadow I was so damn scared of sneaks up every now and then and taps me on the shoulder, especially now being a small business owner. I have a creative side that I am sometimes scared to showcase. Just to start this dream, I had to overcome the fear of it not taking off; that was hard. I have feared every thing that presented itself, sometimes allowing it to win. Most of us play the hesitation game when we decide to plunge into something outside of our comfort level. It takes grit, and fear for me is a big reason why I hold back. Remaining in my safe bubble, unexposed, and less likely for rejection, I tend to shy away from opportunities that present themselves. What about you? I admire those who are business owners and go full force, forward, and do not think for a second what others will think. I have pride in my business, let me be clear on that, but tend to worry too much about the opinions of others, if I am charging too much for my time, or if a design idea will be considered dull. I hold back; fear in this element my friend, sucks. So metaphorically speaking, a weed I can relate to. There’s a word that exists within you that needs uprooting. Fear is my pesky weed and courage is what I need to deracinate it.
I looked up the word courage and loved all that the thesaurus had to offer in its place. It was hard to choose one! To name a few: bravery, backbone, grit, nerve, heartedness, spirit, and a favorite of mine, fortitude. They all "fit" the overall picture so I'll stick with courage.
It is your turn. I’ve spilled my vulnerable guts out on paper for the world to read and now I want to hear yours. What is your word? Come up with one for 2021 and write it down. Happiness, perseverance, love, refresh, health, gratitude, and faith are a few that come to mind. Make its definition your mantra for the year. Grab a shovel and begin digging my dear friends.
Happy New Year!
xoxo
Kimberly